U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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