just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
