i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
