I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
