I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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