Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
