the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
