I think I won the penis lottery.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
