did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
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Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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