i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
