I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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