1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
