I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
