and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
