I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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