Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
