How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
