Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
