This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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