you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
