he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
