SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
