The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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