his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
