I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
