A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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