She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
