those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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