For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
