He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
