I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
