At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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