Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i think i just lost a toe
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