just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
