Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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