Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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