You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
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we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
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It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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