Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
