No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
