so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
