4 words: hood of his car
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
