Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize