Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Fuck appropriateness.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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