Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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