I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
