If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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