just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
