you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
vagina is talking i cant
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
