Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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