Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
