I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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