I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
