her vagine was all disorganized.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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