You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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