There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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