In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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