Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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