the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
