Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
