I forgot how hot balto sounded
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
