she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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