you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dignity is for republicans.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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